Monday, September 17, 2007

What Am I Going to do With a Tape Donald?

Is our society ever going to progress to a point where infomercials, spam, and multi-level marketing ever fizzle away? Not likely. Spam exists because it works. It doesn’t matter how much you don’t believe the junk emails promising inside information on the stock market, enlargement of certain parts of your anatomy, or cheap pharmaceuticals, the reason spam exists is because people bite at it time and time again. I don’t know anyone who has not, at least one time or another, taken the bait of a pop-up add promising dinner at Apllebees or an Ipod or a free laptop only to find themselves 2 hours later in a state of exhaustion and fatigue from answering hundreds of online survey questions. It’s no different on television and radio with late night infomercials on revolutionary diet plans and workout routines which guarantee the type of weight-loss which could otherwise only come from a substantial meth addiction to the millions of dollars which any amateur can make through real estate.

I have recently heard several financial gurus hawking their get-rich-quick materials in thirty-second commercial spots on the radio. What strikes me as odd is that they all offer to send a free tape of their message to anyone who is interested.

That’s right a tape!

And it’s not just guys I’ve never heard of. It’s Donald Trump!

Yeah, that Donald Trump.

If Donald Trump has a program for building wealth he ought to offer me a freakin’ blue-ray DVD or at least a CD. What am I going to do with a tape? I lack the technology to play it.

If I receive my free tape, I will have to follow it up with a trip to Good Will and hope that I get lucky enough to find an old jam-box with a cassette player.

I would likely have better luck finding a record player.

I just don’t get it. Did the Donald recently come across a warehouse of his old tapes that he needs to clean out? Or is one of his keys to wealth the art of learning how to be culturally and technologically irrelevant. I don’t really care either way because I won’t be taking the bait this time. I just find this stuff very amusing.

By the way, I have about three hundred cassettes in my attic of some albums I did back in the early to mid nineties (Through These Pinholes and The Sound of Rain). They won’t bring you wealth or make you have tighter abs but I will gladly give you a free tape to anyone who wants one (+ shipping and handling of course!).


Casey said...

dude, tapes are awesome....almost as good as those over glorified super vhs tapes we used to call adat!!!!

much love-


Anonymous said...

What a trip...I did an internet search on you today because I remembered hearing that my old buddy Crispin went to seminary and became a pastor. My Dad, who's been in leadership at the Vineyard back in Odessa Texas and now here in Houston, backed it up. Funny!

I actually thought of you today while I sat in a room of my colleagues discussing the direction of our church. Wondering who this is? You may or may not remember me. My name is Jill. I used to hang out with you and Tim Taylor back in Midland at your apartment in the early nineties. We were also in the same youth group back at St. Paul's UMC. I was much different then, but so were you. Now I'm married with four kids in Houston working in full time ministry at a Baptist church. (The kind that reads Relevant Magazine and Rob Bell books)

Just wanted to say that I'm happy to see that you're becoming the man God has created you to be. Isn't He great? I'm going to have to pick up one of your CDs. Now I'm curious. It looks like something right up my alley Crispin! :)Who knows? I may pass it around up at work and get you guys a gig at The MET.

Anonymous said...

WOW I have a few 8 tracks left, if you want to try them. I dont have anyway to play them so I put them in storage. It only cost me $500. a month to store all the things I cannot get rid of ??? I just feel that I have to hold on, I cant let go!! Not really sure what to do with it! I tried to have a garage sale but nobody else wants it either. So I just continue to pay for storage, after all $500 is not a lot of money to keep my memories, let's see that only comes to 6K a year!

Gee on second thought maybe I should clean out the storage, but I just cant part with my bell bottom jeans and tye died shirts.
What am I gonna do?

I guess when it comes down to it $500 is not a lot of money to keep my memories after all!!